The Other Side
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March 8, 2010
Filed under Uncategorized
You walk up to the door and its sign points “No smoking within 20 feet of here”, but really it says ‘there is no turning back now.’ Strangers and friends from all walks of life enter this door to achieve the same goal; get sober.
I didn’t know how to feel as I sat down; ashamed or scared. I felt both. Everyone around me was cool, calm, and collected except for me, surprisingly.
The meeting started, like any other, but a sober woman, and her man, shared that today was her tenth year alcohol-free. Everyone in the room was proud, and her husband cried tears of joy.
In tradition, they asked new members to introduce themselves. When the hot potato finally got to me, I spit my name out as quickly as I could. It was one of the most intense moments of my life and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to say a single word for the rest of the night.
Older members began talking about their recent experiences. To them, coming to a meeting is meaningless unless they can vent to one another.
Some share just how glad they are that they can go to work, or wake up and remember what happened the previous night. Others shared what I wouldn’t dare share with a even a teacher, friend, or family member. One man worked up the nerve to apologize to his daughter for blacking out and neglecting her as a child. He laughed it off as if it were nothing, but it sounded like a gut-wrenching experience.
As one of the new comers, I sat in my own corner, and I slouched down so low it looked like I was drowning in embarrassment. One man was asked to share on his first night. He began by barely putting the words together, but once he let go of all of his ‘defenses’ everything came out. He revealed how he grew up and began to cry about everything he regreted.
Finally the man explained just how close he was to ending his life. The others among him embraced the man, and thanked him for his courage. The room felt like a weight had been lifted off everyone’s shoulders. It was like everyone found some sort of freedom.
As the meeting closed, and I was desperate to leave, a gentleman offered to sponsor me. For those that don’t know, a sponsor is someone who will check in on your sobriety and how everyday life is going. He offered to trade phone numbers, but like all the new people I declined his offer.
I slowly walked out the door and after I got to end of the block I ran with my tail between my legs to my car. I wasn’t sure if I was going to hell for what I’d done or if I was going to even forgive myself for sitting in with some of the most honest people I had ever been around.
I was really forced to look at my own life and see if I needed to make a change in my lifestyle. This was an event that broke so many of my morals and ideals that I live on. It has made me reconsider what true values are. I was there to “get the story” and was changed by the experience.
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